A Sad State Of Affairs
You know I don't often go off the deep end but its been one of those kind of years. I have to say though the latest thing brought to my attention by my wife has me just shaking my head.
I know I am built different mentally and emotionally than a lot of people. My wife can vouch for that. Some might consider me emotionally broken. I am, and can be, the coldest person you will ever meet. I can turn and walk away and shut down just about any emotion I have. I have very little use for people as I think in 99% of all cases people are worthless leaches just looking to suck what they need from you. I stop just this side of being mountain dwelling xenophobe. There have been times in my life when I wondered if becoming a recluse wouldn't be a better thing than dealing with the level of CRAP that we have living among us nowadays.
That's no longer an option though as I have a kid, and with that kid comes the fact that I have to take some responsibility to try to correct and shape this miserable pile of crap society around me. I have to look at the loosers some of my peers are raising and brace my own child to deal with them. I'm doing my best to raise a child who can meet or deal with all of her own needs both physically and emotionally. A child today has to be able to function fully independent of societal need. Why? Because a need unfulfilled is a weakness that will allow others to prey on a person. It makes one vulnerable, and if some of the monsters being raised out there see this vulnerability, they will exploit it, and the cost could be your child's life or mental well being.
If you need a clear example of this look into the story of Amanda Todd. This poor girl just needed acceptance, from the start she was fed bullshit by her peers. She tried to fill a void in her life at every turn and each time the consequences became more severe. It's the story from Stephen King's Carrie all over again. Girl trying to find herself and fit in, is teased with acceptance and then crushed. This isn't a new story. It's happened throughout history. But like many things modern, we can make it 1000 times more brutal and personal because in our society we are all more connectable than ever before. This makes emotional stability and independence more important than ever before. This independence is the key stone to the arch of a whole being. Without it they will crumble.
By definition Self is just that. Unfortunately many become lost and the only way they know to measure self is through the eyes of another. This is sad, and leads to people who will always try to fulfill anthers vision which while being a noble goal, is just not sustainable. The center of ones self can never hold up when the only protection of that fragile core comes from another, because they will always fail to be there at a crucial moment. Ones self must learn to support the self. Ones self must believe in the self, without someone else to validate. This is what independence is about.
Another unfortunate fact we have to deal with as parents is half assed parenting by others. Other parents and people will NEVER do things 100% the same as you, and while variety is the spice of life, variety in parenting methods has led in part to our undoing. Uniformity leads to control. When variations occur control is lost. Many, so called parents today, seem to think their responsibility ended in the delivery room. They create a life, give its minimal guidance to get rolling and then ignore it, then are left to wonder why they are a serial killer, a gang banger, a thug, a thief. Because without a doubt are the kids who pressured and tortured Amanda Todd all of her life any less terrorists than the ones who last week tried to kill a 14 yr old girl for wanting an education? I say yes they are different. The terrorists (no matter how wrong you think they are) are doing this out of religious and social conviction that what they believe is right. The kids who tortured Amanda Todd cant even lean on that. They weren't following a bible or religious text, they were just being malicious about what they (in the infinite wisdom of a group of teens) judged was wrong.
We need to start holding these parents accountable when their offspring's behavior is reprehensible. For example most of you wouldn't run out and murder someone because you KNOW there is a hard consequence. This is what makes us behave to societal norms. Unfortunately this is a lesson missing from many children today. How do I know this? Because while looking for information about the whole Amanda Todd incident I see people making jokes about it. These are cold callous jokes left by monsters just like the ones who pushed her over the edge. This girl for all intents and purposed was lynched, by a lynch mob. They emotionally stoned her over and over again until she could only find relief in the most horrific way. Every one of the people involved in this need to be hunted down by law enforcement and treated like the unruly mob they were.
The most important thing you can teach your kids though is self worth, to be able to assess who they are and find happiness with that person, to the exclusion of the opinion of ALL OTHERS. If someone calls them trash they have to be able to assess what it is that caused that name calling and then evaluate if that's really about themselves, or the name callers need to raise themselves up by pulling everyone else lower. There is no reason a person innocent of committing a crime cant wake up in the morning and like themselves. That's the start, then they also need to learn how to weigh others opinions appropriately. Have you ever weighed an opinion on a scale? Not much substance to them is there? That's exactly how much impact someone should allow anothers opinion to make in their self image, nothing. Raise them strong, and raise them to know its not their place to penalize others.